#HAPPYJINDAY - Dear Jinhwan

Jin,

    Did you enjoy that adventure? Haha~

    You're a really hard person to get gifts for, did you know that? I'm telling you that now first thing to then emphasize that what I wanted to give you for your birthday wasn't any specific presents, but to give you back a little bit of something you gave me once. For that, I've got a little bit of a story to tell. It's not long - I've made you read enough today already!

    One day, a long time ago, when I was really in a...not so great place, I had decided upon waking up one morning that maybe if I just tried to hate you that life would be easier. That I'd be able to get over all the crap I'd been feeling. (How dumb of me!) It's the only day in my entire life when I resolved to put my attention on the bad things. And do you know what happened that day? We were in Japan at the time, and I had been moody and low for hours, and then you showed up at my hotel room door. When I went to answer it, I had every real intention of telling you to buzz (haha lightyear - bad joke timing?) off.

    But you had...I don't know. The most beautiful smile on your face, the most genuine enthusiastic at ease expression and said to me let's watch this new Toy Story video that just came out. And I couldn't say no. And I couldn't stay angry. I couldn't do a single damn negative thing because that light and positivity of watching you be that passionate about something is probably the thing I'll always love the most about you.

    I always thought it was ironic, really ironic, that the one day I resolved to hate you, you spontaneously showed me exactly why I love you.

    All that isn't to harp on the past or anything. It's just an important moment to me, always will be. And if I can cause even a tenth of that light to come to your eyes by writing a silly plot with a bunch of toys I bought for you last time we were in Japan then dammit that's all I want to do with my time. I want to create moments like that for you. I don't know what kind of role that puts me as wanting in life but bringing you happiness like that means the world to me and it's that mindset that's actually made me feel...better...genuinely better myself, for the first time in the longest time.

    I've thought about what I wanted to write here for...probably over a month now? I've dictated hundreds of notes to you in my head thousands even. I don't know. It's always important to me, to get the words exactly right. To be understood completely. I don't care what most of the world thinks, but being clear and honest with you is a priority. So that's why I say..all of that Hahaha

    As for the songs, they're something I've been working on for a long long....long long time. You told me about that Jason Mraz song I think around 10 months ago and I really meant to play it for you back then but the chance never came up. I learned the Toy Story one back in December when I was trying to think really hard about the kind of person I want to be moving forward, what I want to express, how I want to live.

    I think if I keep talking this birthday note to you will turn into me rambling about my own brain tangents (even more than I have...like I said, I've made you read too much this morning already! Sorry Jin!!!!). So let's leave it there.

    Happy Birthday.

    I love you, and I hope you have the best day. And I hope you understand and really truly know, at least a little bit more, how much you mean to me.

Affectionately,
Yunhyeong